Nonfiction
I imagine that same sun bathing the trees outside, and all of the people who are blissfully, ignorantly healthy. On some level, I still find it unbelievable that such bodies even exist, able to do whatever they want without worry or consequence.
The blood I wished was mine almost killed Mindy. I began to wonder whether it wasn’t such a bad thing we weren’t related, but the thought felt so disloyal I dismissed it as soon as I could.
I’m too young now to know how soon imaginary play will decay and mature into rumors and cliques and senior boys with beards who look at me like I’m simultaneously a toddler and a toy.
A week after your arrival at the hospital, your gaze is once again on the multicolored fish. As you watch them swim toward an unknown destination, you imagine your death, as you have come to do every day.
Just being here today has come at a cost I won’t explain to you. Freedom in one moment became bondage in the next. Chains exploded into power. No one thing is any one thing.
My son is a rule follower and rules generate endless questions, the answers to which often reflect the crushing reality that I cannot guarantee his safety, that there is an unsettling element of chance in a city of over eight million people.
Dr. H’s earnestness was more apparent the second time we met with him, when we weren’t hearing the bad news for the first time. In a full-lit room not dimmed for ultrasounds, he was a handsome, dark-haired man, a decade younger than Cheryl and I.
I know who you are. You are the girl of twenty, in that black and white photograph I held onto for years, that girl so beautiful she filled me with shame, just as she filled me with pride.
If this scene—these baskets of bread, this mediocre rice, that parking lot awash with light—is familiar to me from all the other funerals we’ve attended here, how much more familiar is it to him? He drags his fork across his plate and the room seems to collapse.